Valerie 2003

January: The year got off to a flyer when we played for Careless Talk at the Buffalo Bar in Islington, with Bilge Pump and Todd. Valerie were innebriated but inspired and there was some top draw Elvis in audience action The night ended with our unofficial manager Lady McCaffrey berating Bilge Pump,the three Leeds boys looked afraid...very afraid.

February: It was pretty quiet on the gig front this month and pretty loud on the schmooze front. We played "Grin 'n Bare it" at Retro for Bunnings. It was a great night the only problem was that there were more people behind the bar than there were in the audience. Not to worry at times like this i always think of the Sex Pistols at the Free Trade Hall. We all went to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs at Manchester MDH (now originally entitled Academy 2) and Karen O started the set by giving Valerie a shout out...go sister, she made our year pretty early on! There were high jinx back stage. Karen O was in a Valerie sandwich, Vix bending one ear about boy trouble and Elv in the other trying to score us a deal. The night ended with Elv and Nick Zinner comparing hair tips and Elv getting chucked out of Big Hands. Rock un Roll.

March: We started the month off with a Ladyfest Benefit and ended it doing a CND benefit for Frisby and the CND posse. It was probably our best gig at The Star and Garter since the no fi festival back in our acapella Take That tribute days. The Strap Ons so stole the show...they ripped it up. Inbetween we managed to get down to Brighton and play with our blood brothers and sisters The Blue Minkies. The last time we played Brighton Freebutt they took record bar receipts, this time it's not as packed but the gig rules. We spend the weekend trying to avoid Mickey Minkies mad Russain dancer friend...who had already threatened to throw Elv on the barbeque! We also play at Nottingham Rescue Rooms, with New York's Rodgers Sisters and The Numbers from San Francisco. Both bands rule and are totally encouraging to Valerie. It's a proud moment when they take the stage all wearing ultra diy handmade Valerie badges. Shucks...this is one of my favourite gigs of the year.

April and June: These two months witnessed highs and lows. One of the highs was playing Ox Pops at the Night and Day...what can i say Valerie give it up for charity! Another all dayer spent boozin' in the back room at Night and Day, but at least we were on the bill rather than just on the blag. Bunnings brought his old skool ghetto blaster and the Manchester music glitterati were in full force...happy days. Playing at Exeter Ladyfest and at London Metro Club saw us in a bit of a lull but we bounced back with the release of the Sonic Mook Hot Shit Compilation and it's accompanying launch party. Somehow Valerie had managed to be caught up with the tidal wave that was the future sound of rock un roll...i know, i find it hard to believe too. Valerie's sixty second slice of punk pop nonsense "Popstar" was nestled alongside the likes of Erase Errata and YYY's on Sean McClusky's renowned project. So off we trundled to London on the Midland Mainline with large smiles on our faces. Erase Errata, Klang and Ex Models were playing thelaunch at the Egg. Erase Errata were totally inspired, 1,2,3,4 make a noise, we had a little dance to the Queen's of Noize and then Vix and I, guilty by association were kicked out for suspicion of wacky backy!!! It's the only time Elv has stayed in somewhere longer than us. She took full rock star advantage and was seen naked in the hot tub ...Donna Matthews was so disturbed she had to leave!

July: The Valerie gurlz birthday month is a good one. First we head up to Newcastle for Pride On Tyne, geordie land is Elv's old pulling patch so she get's a heroes welcome. For the first time in Valerie history we get treated like proper pop stars, we're put up in a posho hotel and we discover that you can be paid with money aswell as booze. The gig was a bit weird i'm not sure the audience were ready for us, we were sharing the bill with a former Annie Lennox Star's In Their Eyes contestant! Although one lady was giving it her all down at the front, we were looked after so well, we'd love to do it again next year. From one extreme to another, one week we're in a four star hotel the next we are in squat. Valerie play their first gig for Queeruption in a disused funeral parlour in Vauxhall. We are the sound of the underground you wouldn't catch Girls Aloud in a comunal poo patch. The drink flowed, we were on late and the sound was dreadful...but we pulled it off. I had a major on stage pop strop at the sound guy, who retaliated by switching everything i touched off. It was messy but brilliant and we got offerred our first overseas gig...Amsterdam beware.

August an September: August heralds the start of our summer tour with our best friends The Blue Minkies. The Minkies are the musical equivalent of a happy pill...they'd make Thom Yorke wanna do panto. The tour kicks off at The Betsey Trotwood in London, Lesbo Pig and the Unskinny Bop DJ's are on the bill too. This is one of my favourite gigs ever it really felt like we were all part of something and the Minkies cover "I am sailing". Classic. Next stop and we're back up in Manchester at Retro Bar, Those sadly missed misses of mischief The Radical Cheerleaders play and Valerie do a top version of Valerie Bingo...if someone don't give us an album deal someone's got to give us a game show pretty soon...Elvis is a star. Our mate Noisy Shit has arranged for the tour to stop in at Raffle's Wine Bar in Derby. Raffles is a wine bar with no wine, no gin, no beer and no light but Betty Minkie rocks the house, she's on top Vanilla Ice form. I have my worse gig of the year, but Elv saves Valerie with some amazing outdoor drumming. The last date of the tour is in Leeds. It rules. Valerie and The Minkies do Tokyo Girls together, it's criminal but a beautiful moment. McCaffrey does karioke Spice Girls...a star is born. Elvis hitchhikes home. At the end of the month we support Kill Rock Stars finest The Gossip. I drink a bottle of gin, forget every song i've ever written, forget all the drum programmes, attack the PA, sabotage Valerie's performance and then cry all night. I learn a valuable lesson about gin consumption. This however is now seen as a legendary Valerie gig. We play Manchester Ladyfest this is my last gig before i move to Glasgow. We are all tired and emotional, we've all been drinking a lot over the last week. I remember all the words i think i am forgiven for last week at The Gossip.

October; We play for Manford The Great at Festival Of The Briton...I feel really bad for the Retro Staff they have seen us more than our mothers this year. Two days later we are all in Amsterdam. It's the first time Vix has been overseas so she's really excited. After sound check we go for a beer, when we get back the venue is packed. Betacore are going wild up on stage, screaming, smashing glasses, screaming, doing sommersaults...we are officially scared. We drink vegan white russians very quickly and try to figure out how we are going to follow them. Luckily we do and there's some trannies in the audience who take to our rudimentary english racket...by the break in "All My Heroes Hate Me" i'm being swung like a skipping rope between two lovely transvestites. The headline act The Fatwas are amazing. Great Night.

November: We play Birmingham for the first time and I hook up with Aaron from the Liars in Glasgow, he tells me Karen O listens to Valerie in the shower...heaven is a place on earth. At the end of the month all our attention is turned to our dates with Gravy Train!!!! We are playing with America's rudest in London and Manchester both gigs rule the school. We preview our new song Disco Punk Resistance...it's a great way to end the year. We also get our hands on the Viva La Diva irrk compilation which we are on along with Verity Susman, Sara Jaffe,Lesbo Pig and the mighty Flamingo 50. We've got Electrobeats and Tokyo Girls on the lovely white 10 inch...so already it's a white christmas.

December; No gigs 'cos i'm skint as, but there's plenty more coming up in the new year. So it's been another good year, we played with loadsa cool bands, got three tracks out and made some new friends along the way. Hope you have a punk rock xmas and cool new year...and hopefully we'll see you at our new single launch in next year xx valerie